Let's keep it light

Some bloggers have this innate ability to steer clear of slogging through personal topics, but me, I come at it straight on.

For those of you who didn't know, I broke up with my longtime boyfriend Jon Gray this past March, and yesterday was the fourth anniversary of the day we met. We're ok about the break up, but things these past months have been tough on both of us. We're dating new people and going at it on our own. Don't worry, I won't go into the details.

Yesterday was especially strange because even though I forgot that it was our anniversary (those of you who know me know that I don't stand on ceremony) it seemed I couldn't get away from disctinctly Jon memories - I went to the fabulous SF Giants stadium for a game with tickets courtesy of my Apple Director (thanks Paul!). Walking around the park in the cool sea-singed air felt just like the Monterey Bay Aquarium, where we came last summer. The man in front of me in the beer line was wearing Jon's favorite brown hoodie (I haven't seen it on anyone else but him, and this guy). Last night my dreams were racked with Jon encounters (non-romantic or sexual, so buzz off), but they were with me and him and new people that he is with now in his life, that I've never met. I woke up and sat up immediately from sleep, and Ollie meowed at me good morning, all at the same time.

I believe that the mind is a powerful thing and that if we tune in to its inner workings, we can use it to tell our future. Predilections towards feelings and urges run deep and are driven by our "unconscious" or whatever you want to call that inner compass, and if we listen carefully, we can learn more about who we are, which is the Big Question in my Life.

One thing I vowed never to do again is to shut memories out for the purpose of moving forward, because you can't really move forward without having stuff behind you, and if you're lucky, you might actually know what that stuff is. So albeit sad, I'm finally beginning to welcome my painful past...however teary it might be.